and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
