I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
