my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize