i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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