in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
