if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
