Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
