She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
