What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They are going to name an STD after you.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
