Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
