Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
