So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
