Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
