you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
