On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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