4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
