is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Everclear isn't food dammit
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
