It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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