dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
