"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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