So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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