I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
