what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
