he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
