I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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