Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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