the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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