Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
