The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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