You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
