Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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