Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
