I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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