Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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