this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
