girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
