We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
