When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
