when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
