My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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