Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
