Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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