Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
