Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
