He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
