If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
