Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
