why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
