maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize