I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
