i permit you to call me
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
