Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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