i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
