Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
