no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you will always have a special place in my vag
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize