The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
