All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
