I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
