You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
