just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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