when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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