Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
