walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
