I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
