I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Soap is not a condiment
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
