the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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