OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
